Pics from Wed and Thurs.

The photo above is Trinity receiving her Kindy certificate yesterday from Sister Kathleen. Right hand bottom is Zaylan and I getting our hair blown everywhere at the park this a.m. it was rather windy but a really lovely morning and Tim had this a.m. off work so that worked out great a bit of help with Zay, he wandered around with him and I got some time to talk to some of the Mums. Top left pic is Santa with Rainee and Trinity getting their book presents and some lollies off Santa. I didn't give presents for Rainee and Zaylan to be included as I wasnt sure what they would think of Santa and then I noticed Trins teacher kept putting Trins present further down the pile and giving the others out before her and then finally she turned and asked if Rainee had 1 in there as she had sat with Trin the whole time engrossed in it all and I was feeling so bad to have not included her, it didn't worry Zay he was with us or off running around but Mrs Howell said go and ask 1 of the other Mums who had a spare and I then snuck it in to Mrs Howell so they finally got theirs, I have kicked and belted myself up since to have left Rainee out but far out with Kidlets you just dont know which is the right way, but I know when it happens next year for Rainee I will pack 1 for Zay as by next year he will know more of what it is about!!! Other than that it was a lovely morning. The top right hand photo is D.H. with Zaylan. I have finally got photos of us up here, the rest have all been the kids.

While I had a moment at the park of 5 mins to ponder I came to the conclusion that I beat myself up far too much, always jumping to conclusions about how I read situations to be or getting up myself for not doing something a different way, boy I need a chill pill, I have to be more supportive of myself and less critical and just allow things to happen and people to say things without reading my opinion into it, I have found today that I have judged a couple of people the wrong way and have withdrawn myself from being around them when today I had a light bulb moment and thought I really am the only one doing it to me as I keep reading too much into things, just let everyone have bad days and rise above it and just leave it at that. But do you know what, realising all this wisdom is the easy part, actually putting it into practice is the hard part, but I know that it is really going to get a little easier on me from now on as this year has been a monster and the girls are just starting to get to be their own little people and hold their own when we are out, all the constant supervision and teaching on my behalf in the last 5 years has finally sunk in to them and I feel I can take them places more now by myself and it will be enjoyable not hard. 3 Kids in 3 years is huge and it has taken me this long to finally realise that it is not about me being unable to cope or anything that is my fault it is just that I put a huge situation on my shoulders and I have struggled through the best way I could in the midst of all that I had to help manage and do paperwork for our farm and support my Husband with all that so I think I should finally cut myself some slack and start enjoying life not just exist for every other soul I am responsible for.

Wow I really needed to say that and I need to be able to look back at this when I start beating myself up again and take this on board again. Sorry if this doesnt make sense to anyone else but I just had to type what I felt today. I love my Family more than anything and have loved everything about raising these Kidlets but hey I am not hiding anymore that it is so bloody hard at times, because as 1 Lady said today who is my age and has 6 kids her youngest is 4 that she has spaced her kids and enjoyed everyone of them but she said doing what I did in 3 years boy was I insane, just made me realise all the above when she said that!! lol. So on that note I will away and get them all in the car and go and pick up Keelan and then get him organised to go to kids kraft at 3.45pm. Enjoy your day and keep smiling.
Take care
Trace.